If you can't beat 'em, Join 'em (Please help, won't you?)

The almost a scientist and inventor but needs the money guy really inspired us. (See previous entry to get the dealio.)

We took his message for getting money from a stranger on Craigslist to heart.

Without further ado, we invite you to give what you can, and do what your heart tells you...

(All replies will be confidential)

This is the link to our ad:

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/wan/385801488.html

And this is what the ad says:

$$$, Respect and Power and unconditional love. And fame (perhaps).
Reply to: sale-385801488@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-30, 10:11PM PDT


We're a group of squirrels looking for money, respect, power and unconditional love. And fame (perhaps).

We are ready for these things, please give them to us. We are kind, humble and deserve all of these things. Thanks and God Bless.

Please address all replies to the address below. Please, no flakes.

Kind Regards,

USC Squirrels


* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 385801488

This person needs your help, especially if you are very rich, very ill, live in SoCal and have no heirs

Just got underway in our BUZZ campaign and was sidetracked by this listing in the "items wanted" section of LA Craigslist.

This guy is on to something, but needs money (that's all he needs- money) It's a little intense, but that doesn't scare us...does it scare you?

After reading this, we have one question. If he got a B in one semester of chemistry, and he got a C in another semester, then does he have a B Minus, or C Plus average. We know we know, you think we could figure this one out since we live on campus (most of us, anyway).

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/wan/385774728.html

WANT TO INHERIT YOUR FORTUNE IF YOU DON'T HAVE A WORTHY HEIR

Reply to: sale-385774728@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-30, 9:17PM PDT


If you have lots of money and don't know anybody who deserve it. I'll take it. I am honest, sincerely and nice. I'll use it to buy me my first home somewhere in Southern California. I'll keep the rest in the bank and start studying science at a local community college and transfer to a 4 year university later on. My goal is to become a pharmacist/medical research scientist and make the first true REVERSE AGING PILL. This pill will literally make a 100 year old man/woman into a 20 year young man/woman in about 80 years(reverse aging). Another thing I want to create is a TELEPORTATION DEVICE where you go in one POD sick and old and come out the other POD healthy and young. the TELEPORTATION DEVICE will filter out old the bad stuff. I am healthy, eager and determined male and I will make either or both. But I need some money to buy myself a nice home in a quiet neighborhood so that I can study and don't have to worry about working part time. I want to devote myself to study science. I do have relatively good science background where I recieved A on three semesters of calculus. I also took two chemistry where I received B and a C. Currently I cannot study because I live in a shabby apartment in a soso neighborhood where neighbor's loud music and dog barking interferes with my ability to study.

Thank you.


Location: entire southern california
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 385774728

If you see a bee, what do you hear? (Hint hint)

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

Don't mind us, we're busy as bees, in the midst of creating our first ever "buzz" campaign.

Do you know what "creating a buzz" is? Good. You're in the know like us.

Well we're hard at work making honey, er, [jk! :) ] raising peer group awareness of our program.

Updates soon....now if you don't mind, could you Buzz off! Just kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apologies to Flickr user A*A*R*O*N*, and to You, Dear Reader

Kinda wish we didn't have to do this, it's late, our eyes are swollen, we have an early breakfast appt. tomorrow, we would rather be curled up in a ball, but here goes-

One of more quick tempered of us came across an image on Flickr attributed to A*A*R*O*N*:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/admurder/9726775/

We think this is way lame, stuff happens and I'm sure the guy who took this shot wouldn't want his picture being taken and commmented on, but whatever...ANYwho. (Not to mention the legal implications of not getting consent of the individual, but we digress.)

So those that shall remain nameless wrote the following, and although we can feel their frustration, we don't condone goonish tactics. So, you can read the first comment, and then the follow up, and we apologize to A*A*R*O*N* and all the Flickr users out there, also as a warning, there's some language that's not suitable for our younger readers.

FIRST POST:
USC Squirrels (Unofficial- Unauthorized-Unbad) says:

Yo A*A*R*O*N, you're on notice, bitch. We're coming for you.

and then, once we were alerted,

SECOND POST:
USC Squirrels (Unofficial- Unauthorized-Unbad) says:

Dear Flickr user with the handle of "A*A*R*O*N,"

USC Squirrels regrets the recent rash response to your photo entitled,"Tasteless? Hilarious? You decide."

We apologize for any pain and/ or embarassment you may have been victim of based on this comment.

Also, we don't like that the post contained foul language, which we think is a sign of small vocabulary and lack of imagination.

While some of us in the community are offended by this photo, we understand your right to display it. And, we don't feel that intimidation of violence solves anything.

Kind Regards,

USC Squirrels


We hope we can move on and put this ugly incident behind us. Good night.

DECISION 2007

YOUR VOTE COUNTS.

PLEASE GO DIRECTLY TO THE POLL LOCATED ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THIS SCREEN.

YOU MAY HAVE TO SCROLL DOWN.

THIS POLL OPEN TO ALL AMERICANS, NON AMERICANS AND UNAMERICANS.

(PLEASE DO NOT MISCONSTRUE THIS MESSAGE IN ALL CAPS. WE ARE NOT MAD, WE ARE EXCITED AND WANT TO GET YOUR ATTENTION. WE APOLOGIZE IF YOU THOUGHT WE WERE YELLING AND MAD AT YOU THIS ENTIRE TIME YOU WERE READING THIS.)

VOTE!!!

Correction: Zima Exists

www.zima.com

Boy does it ever.

It's got a new look, a new taste and a new attitude.

This is not your father's (or aunt's or second wife's) alchopop malternative.

We don't claim to be journalists, but we at USC Squirrels will admit when were wrong. We thought that Zima was R.I.P., but we gather from the neat website that it is R.I.P.E. for a comeback!

Part I of II- A purified heart + Percy Shelley's + Zima = ???

(EDITOR'S NOTE: This is a long entry and had to be split in two parts, but our contributor for this entry was very very persistent about getting to blog about something they felt very very strongly about, soooooo without further ado...)

This tip goes out to the fella we overheard lamenting to his friend at Chipolte about lady troubles.

It's from one of our self-professed-reformed female squirrels' male squirrel (you call them a "ladies' man," right?). With notes from our editorial staff.


1) Purify your heart. Females know when you're "frontin'"

(EDITOR'S NOTE: To clarify the above, make sure you are being honest with your feelings. Females can tell when you aren't being honest with them, or your self, and they don't like it.)

2)Memorize the following poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley.



Love's Philosophy

The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the Ocean,
The winds of Heaven mix forever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle.
Why not I with thine? —

See the mountains kiss high Heaven
And the waves clasp one another,
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother,
And the sunlight clasps the earth
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?

(EDITOR'S NOTE: We don't get everything in this poem, but we definitely get the jist. Part II is below)

Part II of II- Purified Heart + Percy Shelley + Zima = ???

3) Find some Zima, Bartles & James and/ or Sun Country Wine Coolers. Capful for you, and capful for that special one. Garbage cans, yards and the bike racks on 28th street are great sources for half drank bottles of these.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Lots to discuss here. First, USC Squirrels would like to take this opportunity to once again share our strict no minor drinking alcohol policy.

Also, while we understand that alcohol in small amounts can work wonderfully as a social lubricant, please drink responsibly.

On another note, I think our resident former female squirrels' male squirrel is dating themselves. (Zima? Sure it was tasty and didn't slow you down, but now it's more of a Budweiser with Ginseng- sake bomb kinda world, right?)

And, just to be clear, don't be a JERK. When in doubt, remember that your parents (and maybe GOD) are watching you.)

4) In a public place, find a nice spot to have some quiet alone time. Offer a sip, recite the poem, look them in the eye, and tell them that you like them- A LOT!

(EDITOR'S NOTE: We think the idea here is to make sure they feel safe and unthreatened. We squirrels are definitely keyed up, and when in doubt, we will run like if scared. This may go for humans, as well. As for the rest, it speaks for itself.)

Tell us your thoughts!

Allow us to vent, and hand me the Liquid Paper, will you?

Had a few minutes before a meeting last Friday [why does anyone schedule a meeting on a Friday after 3pm? :) ], and started rereading the core documents of USC, beginning with the Role and Mission of USC.


"The central mission of the University of Southern California is the development of human beings and society as a whole through the cultivation and enrichment of the human mind and spirit."

Whooooooaaaaaa...HELLLOOO??!?!?!

"...development of Human Beings and society as a whole"

We kept reading, but it doesn't get any better. There is NO MENTION of any other creature other than humans.

What a big bummerinski!

What about the rest of the animal kingdom? Is it wrong to expect more than this human-centric view from a self professed world class university of the 21st century?

The good news is there's an easy if somewhat time consuming solution:

Find every written copy of this and liquid paper out "human beings" and write in "ALL beings."

And of course we'll draft a letter to the President and Provost ASAP. If we know USC, this should all be cleared up by the middle of next week, tops. Of course we'll keep you posted.

BTW, Do you think this mistake is an "American Thing" or a "Human Thing"?

Maybe we'll set up a poll in the future to find out. Polling is a very imporant tool that could work for this. Whether we should have a poll about this would actually make a very interesting poll, wouldn't it?

It's got a RED belly, not a yellow one. Fierce!!

Only four dollars plus shipping and handling. We don't get any profits, we just think it's bada_ _ (rhymes "mad-gas" LOL)

Looks like they may have used Lucky from Founder's Park as a model- before he had his morning coffee...JK

You know We LUV YA LUCK!!

More info from the site:

"Our realistic-looking red-bellied tree squirrel is made of hollow plastic and measures 5 1/8 inches from nose to tail and 3 inches high to the tips of the ears. The body is moulded with a fur-like pattern and details that almost make it seem real. Its name is moulded into the underside of the tail. This sturdy, light-weight plastic squirrel is great for school projects, toys, novelties, animal collections, party favors and more. Our plastic red-bellied tree squirrel is for decoration or play only. You can make a wonderful forest shoebox diorama using this and other plastic creatures from our gift shop. Best of all, there is no mess, no feeding, and no tank or cage cleaning :)"

We're going to ignore the fact they imply this is better than the real thing!!


http://www.tapirback.com/tapirgal/gifts/friends/rodents/squirrel-red-bellied-tree-plastic-animal-f1065.htm

We announce that we will have a big announcement

We're very excited to announce that we will soon be making an exciting announcment about USC Squirrels

We've been swept up in the Girl/Lady Power exhibited by the news that the artists known as the Spice Girls (sic)will be touring.*

So, we've been inspired (we're not copying)to announce that we have an announcement- STAY TUNED


*All of us will be able to get to say hi again as well as well as sending them off in proper style.

(BTW When did Posh turn into an insect? Will she play her vestigial arms / wings? That would be cool!!!!)

The oldies among us remember some amazing times overhearing this music as spilled from freshman dorms in the late 90s.

Ziga ziga zah!